My little boy blue
My little boy blue is tumbling down the staircase. blistered,
and broken
and blue.
and I understand now the insanity of love and why
the scars will never heal just be embedded and
forgotten till the next covets the
Skin
he’s running down the sidewalk like any little kid should and he learns
to lie
creatively
and hide behind a façade
of happiness (naïveté).
My little boy blue is tumbling down the staircase. blistered,
and broken and
blue
banging against every step along the way.
“Let your feelings slip boy/But never your mask boy/Random blonde bio high density rhythm/
Blonde boy blonde country blonde high density/You are my drug boy/You're real boy/
Speak to me and boy dog/Dirty numb cracking boy/You get wet boy
Big big time boy/Acid bear boy/
Babes and babes and babes and babes and babes
And remembering nothing boy/You like my tin horn boy and get/
Wet like an angel Derail” – Underworld, Born Slippy
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello hello. You probably won't see this.
Anyway,
I love the repetition of this and following lines. It creates an atmosphere that there's more to this than just a literal boy falling down stairs, and I love poetry that has meanings past the more up-front ideas of that. The usage of colours to describe the boy also has me thinking that it would mean a break up, or even just blue to represent depression - the colour blue is often associated with sadness and solitude, so it works well.
I'm a little confused by why blue is used twice to describe the same idea - "little blue boy" and then this part. It kind of makes it hard to read at points, but I do think that the enjambment really works in your favour. The way that everything is separated to show effect and pauses is really nice, and especially when it's used to create some juxtaposition with ideas that feel like they wouldn't work in a natural setting.
Although I must say
I agree with the other review on how the separation of the skin and the above line doesn't really work that well here. The whole "forgotten till the next covets" also appears to be a little confusing, mostly from the choice of using "covet" instead of another word, but it works with the set style you have here. The capitalization of the word skin doesn't really go with that though, because it didn't happen anywhere else before.
I actually really love that you did that with the parenthesis. It's going with the creative formatting choices I mentioned above, and I actually really like how it all flows together. I think it also works for what I brought up about what the possibility of the meaning of the blue boy was - happiness contradicts the "blue" emotion felt. The idea that the narrator and/or the boy are naïve also points towards that as well.
Nice work! Happy RevMo!
-- chi
I really like this poem, it was slow when you put skin in its own line, like Sam said. But this was a short, meaningful poem. Nice work.
I honestly can't believe no one's replied to this...it's absolutely GREAT...
I would put the word 'Skin' on the line before it. Just that one word throws off your rhythm and makes us stop and go, 'what?' That was the only thing I noticed.
Gosh, that was wonderful.